The Love Of My Life

I know I have said this before. I have the greatest husband ever!!! He loves me so much and makes me so beautiful and amazing.

I am about to put my blog into a book so i wanted this in here.

These are his love letters or texts. I want to be able to go back and read them whenever I want.

This is one he sent about Alaina with this picture.




She has been so cute! She is always telling me she loves me and she has the wildest stories. I think she misses you a lot but knows that it is important for you to take care of Ari. She told me tonight that .. Well first she showed me some hearts that she put on her wall in her room then she said " daddy do you know what those hearts are for? " I said no what? She said they are to remind me of my Mom and my baby sister Ari that I love so much! And I love you too daddy.

Dear Haley,

I find myself thinking about you continuously it seems as if not a second goes by that I have not thought about the great woman that you are. I guess it is the continuous pain in my heart that reminds me of the huge void that has plagued my soul of your absence.

I think about Ari as well not in the same way and not for the same reasons. One of the biggest challenges that I am facing right now is not having the ability to make Ari feel better. Sometimes I am upset with myself thinking that if I was more worthy that I could lay my hands upon her head and heal her. I struggle a great deal lately with the pain and suffering that she is experiencing not only physically but also the emotional challenges that she has to cope with daily.


I long and hurt for the moments we had together in our lives while we were dating and engaged and recently married those times truly and most definitely was the time of my life! Those are memories and experiences that I will treasure more dearly than any earthly Possession I could ever have.

I do struggle with the debt that I have gotten many of these people in, and I do apologize for the stress that it does cause you because of the time and focus that I devote to fixing the issue. I do not believe that I will ever be at peace until I have paid everyone back and until then I feel like I am enslaved to continuously work on it. I do know that sometimes I do hide behind it so that I do not have to face Ari's situation.

I went on a walk this evening and all I could think about was how your hand felt as I held it when we would walk together.I thought about the times when you would say funny things and I would laugh in my head but not out loud and you would ask me"don't you think I am funny?" and I would say "yes but I laughed in my head" then I would laugh out loud and I think every time I do that you think I am faking it but I am not" As I walked in the park I could smell the grass because of the slight humidity that was in the air. The smell reminded me of when we played capture the flag that night when I had just known you for a couple of days. I remeberthat night you and I had a chance to talk for a while. I do not remember what was said but I do remember how I felt, I knew that I loved you! and I knew that you were no ordinary person there was no doubt about it to me. Each time I spoke to you it felt as if I had, had a divine or heavenly experience. Now looking back on those many conversations I have realized that, that is what being in love feels like
and that is what happened to me is that I had felt the power of love on a different level than I had ever experienced before.

Many times I will get an unbelievable amount of pain in my heart and in my stomach as a result of the many challenges that we are experiencing. At times I think "is it this bad for Haley?" I desperately hope not because the pain at times seems to be unbearable to me and there is no way I would want you to experience those pains! I have to admit I have tried to give up a couple of times but I can not seem to stick with it. I have tried to not care I have tried to ignore, I have thought of actions of rebellion, I have tried to get bitter, I have tried to blame, I have tried to get angry, but it seems that I am not able to continue these thoughts or actions very long.

I really believe that one of the reasons is because of you. It is because of the love that I have for you and because
of the love that you have for me. I am so thankful for the love that you have for me, you make me feel so special and important. I draw so much strength from you. I do not believe you have any idea of how you lift me up and help me endure these challenges.

I find my mind clinging to the image of your beautiful smile and the sound of your sweet laugh and the touch of your gentle hands. It is that image that gives me the strength to continue to have faith and believe. It reminds me of what I am fighting for it reminds me of my purpose of life and why I am living and why I dream. It is then that I realise that you mean more to me than life itself and that with you I can continue and I can find peace.

I believe that true love is the ultimate goal that I can achieve in this life time. You are teaching me that my salvation is in love and through love. I have never felt so loved by anyone not my parents, not any siblings and not even by God. The love that I have felt from you has deeply touched me and I am grateful for you. I love you so much and I am so grateful for you. You inspire me to endure and not to only endure but to endure with honor and with faith. You are with out a doubt the greatest example to me and I love you for it. Please stay with it and I will also stay with it I know sometimes I can sound pretty depressing but I only share those feelings and moments with you because I trust you and I know that you will love me regardless.

I can only believe that God is very pleased with you and I often fear that because of your righteousness that he may want you back sooner than I am ready to let you go. Haley I love you so much!

Love
Travis



Haley,

I love you so much,I do not have the words to express to you what you have done and what you do for me in my life. You are such a strong anchor for me in life. Your faith,love, hope. and unselfishness have blessed me and our family so much. I am sorry that I am weak at times and I am sorry for things I may say or do that are not right or that do not edify you as my wife or a mother. I do try every day to be a good husband and father. You give me so much strength and hope to endure my challenges. There is no doubt that you and I were friends in the pre existence and destined to marry to be together for all time and eternity. I love you Haley and thank you so much for being my wife and such a great mother we are all so very blessed to have you in our lives!

Love
Travis

Haley,

When I was driving home I was thinking of a lot of memories of you and me. So I am going to share them with you and if you want you can respond what your memories are?

1. The memories I think about you the most are

When I first saw you coming up the stairs in my parents house in Provo
When you had your pockets full of pinion nuts (you were so cute)
When you walked out of the bathroom on our wedding night yawzors!
Obviously kneeling across the Alter from you. You were so beautiful

2. The fun time memories

Our honeymoon

Bahamas
Scuba diving at Lake Powell in that cove when we first got our boat
Hawaii

Fixing the trailer house up together
Asking you to marry me
That hike in Hawaii
Getting Spike
Sledding with you on the mountain
Running the Marathon

3. Most funny memories

"Nice firm buttocks Chicks love gray" on the dock at Lake Powell
I was thinking of other stuff too but I cant remember what I was thinking. I am so grateful for you I am so happy and blessed to be married to you. Our time together is really flying by I hope that we can create a lot more memories together. You are such a special person to me. you make me really happy and you make me enjoy life so much.

Thank you for taking care of our kids so well you are the greatest mother ever I never thought I would marry a woman that would be such a loving mother. Thank you

I love you so much
Love
Travis



Haley,

How are you? I miss you so much I have been looking at pictures of you today and you are such a beautiful woman. I really lucked out catching such a wonderful person, I guess I have always been pretty good at selling myself (sucker)

I am very grateful for you and what you are doing for Arianna, I know how challenging it can be to do what you are doing. I think that you have such a good personality and character with so many gifts such as love, patience, endurance, kindness, charity and forgiveness that our children are very lucky to have you as their mother and I am very lucky to have you as my wife. (I think were still married?? you are my wife still?? do you really exist??) I am beginning to think that you are just in my dreams.

I did dream about you last night, I don't remember exactly what the dream was about but when I woke up I really missed you. I do think that in the dream we were out camping in the mountains. We had a really nice camping trailer and we were near a river and small lake. I am excited for you and Ari to come home so that we can start camping, I really love camping with you and the kids, I think because the kids love it so much and we all have so much fun being around the fire at night and in the mornings.

We have really good kids, they are doing so well with their school work and with helping around the house. They each get a "To Do List" and they work on all of it. Then they turn it into me and I go through and check and make sure that everything was done. I have been talking to them a lot about how important it is to have a good attitude and how they need to believe in what they do and how they need to believe in their selves.

Kaley is so excited about her softball she loves playing it so much. That is really almost all she talks about is her last game or her last practice and how she is trying to get better and all the cheers they made up. She really likes it she is so cute to be with.

Taylor is a good boy he is a very hard worker he takes a lot of pride in working hard. We went to the KTM motorcycle shop last Saturday. He loved it we were there for about 30 minutes and he was talking to the shop people asking them questions about the different motorcycles. On Monday he wanted to get on the computer and look at motorcycles and he printed out pictures of the motorcycles that he wants. He is working hard to be able to get a motorcycle trying to come up with ideas that will make him money, he is very creative.

Laney is a cutie, she cut her foot really bad at Kaley's game the other day and we have been babying her like crazy and she has really taken advantage of it. She is milking it for all shes got right now. We carry her everywhere we get her food we brush her hair we get her clothes. She has been very clingy to me lately and is always telling me that she loves me.

I love you so much and I really hope that you know how much you mean to me. Because of you I am a better person, and because of you we have a great family. I am so blessed in my life and it comes from what a great person you are. I do not think you have any idea of the impact that you have on me to be a good person you really are a great example to me and I love you so much for it. You are a B-E-A-U-tiful woman! thank you so much for being my wife. I love you!
Love,
Travis


Haley,

I miss you so much, I hope that you are doing well. I think about you so much I am always wondering what you are doing and how you are feeling. It pretty much know what your doing and I am so lucky to have you for my wife. You are such a great mother and person. I really am so lucky and grateful to be married to you, our kids have the best mother that they could possibly get for this life. Thank you for being such a great person thank you for having so much faith and love for people. Your example of endurance and love and faith in God inspires me to be a better person. I wish that I was there with you to help. I am so sorry that I am not. I am working so hard to make this happen so that I can get these people paid back and get home to be with you and the kids. I love you and miss you so much!
Love
Travis



How are you doing? Did you know that I love you so much! You mean the world to me, every time I think about you, you make me so happy. I am going to miss you so much this next week I am already missing you and we haven't even left yet. I worry about our kids all the time. I worry about their physical safety, their spiritual safety I worry if their having a good childhood but one thing I do not worry about is if they are being taken care by their mom. You are the best mom any kid could ask for. Our kids are so lucky to have you as their mom. I am so
lucky to have you for my wife thank you so much for everything you do for me and the kids you are the best!


This is only a few of them. He always makes me feel beautiful and amazing. I love him so much.