As I sit her and watch my daughter slip away there are some things I want to tell her first is that I love her unconditionally. That everyone in her life loves her. That i would do anything for her. That she is the strongest most amazing spirit i have ever known. That she is beautiful. That i will miss her. That it will be a miracle if she stays or goes. That her Father in Heaven loves her and is there for her. That her savior loves her. That she will be in good hands. That I want her to be happy. That i wish i could take it all away. That i wish i could hold her. And last is that I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't trust her and Travis. That I'm sorry she is passing in a hospital instead of at home. That I'm sorry she couldn't spend her last moments in my arms. I'm sorry that she has been tortured her last month here. I'm sorry that she loves me so much and is so obedient that she let us torture her. I'm sorry she couldn't spend more time with her family. And That I hope her and Travis will forgive me.
I know a lot of people will try to tell me it is not my fault and i know it isn't. But it could have been different. She wanted it different and that is why I need to apologize to her. I know that it was supposed to happen this way. But i feel bad because i feel that is was for me to learn certain things and I am sorry that my kids and my husband sometimes suffer for my learning process. But that is life and I know they love me enough to forgive me and put up with it again and again.
I have faith and am grateful for this whole experience and I know it is because Heavenly Father loves me and loves her that everything is happening. I believe she is to pure for this world and am happy for her to not have to deal with things. I have learned that I need to trust my Family and Travis. Trust that he is the priesthood in our family. I trust and know that Heavenly father loves me and will comfort me and will always be there for me. I am grateful to him for all my blessings. Travis sometimes teases me but I truly believe that every thing that happens in our lives is for a reason. And that the Lord is very aware and active in our lives. Thank you every one for all your love, prayers, and fasting. I know that it has helped.
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6 comments:
Haley you are the most amazing person in the world!! You are the BEST Mom that Ari or anyone could ever ask for. You are a shining light and example to all of us. We love you!! xoxoxoxoxo
you are an amazing example.
thinking of you all.
xoxo
Jennifer
(Vicki's friend)
We love you guys!
You have to know you did all you could and then put it in the Lord's hands. There is no mistake in trying everything possible.
Not that it makes it any easier but the Lord must have a special place for this pure sweet little Angel. My love and prayers to all your family.
Haley you are amazing. We all have learned so much from you and your family. Thank you so much for letting us be there with ari last night.
I am so sorry about your loss. It is never easy even with the gospel in our lives. You two have been amazing in the whole situation. Thanks for your example.
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